I just looked up, the sky got bluer since last I looked, and at the moment i looked up, a bird was flying by overhead, wings outstretched… if I had looked up one moment later, I would have missed it.

These past few days have been about near misses, near hits, wonder, excitement, reframing, regrouping.

I got excited as can be about this rather kate-sounding certification program and, after getting a bunch of questions answered, I very nearly signed up, logistics and economics be damned. It resonated with the natural way I am in the world, validated my gut instincts and intuition, made me feel it might be possible to find the motherlode of tribe and like-hearted people.  And it is nearby (relatively speaking), and at one of my favorite places.

But.

But.  It is expensive. Extensive. And perhaps more about affirmation/reinforcement rather than epiphany and discovery. And the certification is for whom: me? My potential clients? What would the payback be for the investment of time and money? (Some payback is heart stuff, and that is really real. Validation is a FINE thing.  Some is practical– as in, would I get more and better-fitting clients if I had this certification? would the course clarify my own purpose and direction? would I gain vast new insights to help me take a quantum leap in what I offer?)

And then, the logistics reality started to feel more thorny.

And, a supportive reframing, regrouping, and great options creation jam session/conversation with my Pa…. he asked this: if I was willing to commit to 5 hours a week and x dollars for the program, what else could I curate for myself during that time for (most likely much) less money?

What if I painted 5 hours a week? What if I spent 5 hours a week on community building? On creating the workshop/retreat I am dreaming up? Or taking online courses? Reading actual books that do not include “pookie” in the title?

I’ve already started to gather ideas and intentions, and am excited to imagine what may coalesce from this exploration.

But for the time when I had clarity + excitement + intention?  DREAMY DREAMY DREAMY, and I want more of that please.

This came via my dad today- holy moly. A very young movie maker– 18– but a very wise message. 7 minutes, best with audio. Some kleenex may be recommended.

a newsletter I got from Hiro Boga (read it online here)– if you do not already know her, if you are a seeker, an energy diviner, a heartcentered business person… run, do not walk to her site.

warm chocolate cake for breakfast with strong tea and a strong desire to reboot my morning into something positive feeling

music to work with (suggestions? bring them! I am so very open– check my last post for my wide open style)

the white christmasy lights that hang haphazardly around my window… from outside it makes my workspace look like a fairy castle

remembering to look around and try to get my head where my feet are as my friend Laura so wisely wrote today in her Life Leadership newsletter.

My friend Sean is posting more often at rock,  paper, monster. LOVELY.  Wish it would come automatically into my inbox. Love his work somewhat passionately.

the wonder that a foggy morning can split open into such a bright sunshiney day. clouds shaped like seahorses.

–by Maria Popova, Original Story, Apr 22, 2012

http://www.dailygood.org/view.php?sid=220

Fabulous image used with permission by Daniela Schneider http://www.flickr.com/photos/daniela_schneider/

Sometimes when you’re in the thick of it, a voice whispers something important. Something that changes everything about how you interpret your experience.

These past few weeks have held several of these moments for me.

A newsletter I get from Jen Louden about self trust— it brought a reframing of the act of labeling our experiences. If we experience more and relabel less, question more (how does this make me feel?) wisdom is easier to access.  And BOY HOWDY, if you are  (like me) someone who jumps to label success and failure, stress and procrastination, struggle…. this little reframing can mean opening rather than closing down, options rather than dead ends.  Try it. I dare you.

Speaking of reframing…a newsletter I receive from the amazing Andrea Schroeder included an interview of  a Jane Cunningham who found her calling in the most amazing combination of heartwork, and it rocked me in the best possible ways– I beg of you, go to her site and prepare to have your perspective shifted about what is possible both by the healing compassionate services she is offering, and the very unusual combination of skills/arts/heart that her work is based on.  Out of the box and truly healing magic.

Do you know Mark Silver yet? His Heart of Business has catalyzed one of the most tectonic shifts I have felt about my work in the world. If you sign up for his newsletter, you’ll get an excerpt from his amazing book, and in it I found (again) a passage about being with emptiness that comes from not being in alignment with your calling. Not trying to fill it (fruitlessly) with material objects. But sitting with it in all of its uncomfortable helplessness. Later in the book he invites the reader into an exercise in Remembrance (I reframed the idea of the Divine to Self/Soul/Heart, that-essential-wisdom), and I just cannot suggest this highly enough. As someone who spends energy thinking my life will change for the better if only I find the right ____ (boots, face cream, music to work by…) it is pretty unexpectedly empowering (!) to receive permission (FROM MYSELF) to spend time with the discomfort, and to use it as an opportunity to pay attention to What Is…

The image with this post really resonates with me, since it includes the expected and the unexpected, the functional, the opportunistic, the beautiful, growth and working with what is… I love how the little arms reach for options but the growth continues in its tangled fabulous way…  image gratefully  used with permission from Daniela Schneider http://www.flickr.com/photos/daniela_schneider/

Jen Lee embodies all of these for me– her latest video is amazing– about demystification.

It’s about not letting the mystery of HOW get in the way of the WHAT.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did and do– her messages always resonate long after the video is done playing.

Wish I could figure out how to embed it here, alas, not happening, so here’s the link:

http://www.jenlee.net/home/emerging-icons-demystifying-the-process.html

and, to honor them, I searched for totems… in so doing,  I stumbled across the stupendously fabulous animal photography of Sharon Montrose .

There I found my porcupine.

My vulture.

Alas, no crow, no raven.

Today I realized I no longer remember who was what. What were my demons? Who were my porcupine, my vulture, my crow? (See? even my demons are evolving!)

Instead of spending more energy resurrecting my old demons, I’ve decided to re-assign meaning to these creatures using more positive attributes (no longer demons, but guides), and embrace their energy into my current journey.

Crow for cooperation and ingenuity…for expression, voice, and community

Vulture for finding fodder where others might not, for taking advantage of opportunities, for the ability to be patient, taking the long view, the ability witness, and finally feast.

Porcupine for self-protection, the kind of protection that is visible *enough* so it does not need to be tested. This could be protection of the self, of dreams, of time, of resources, of hope….

How about you? What animals are calling you today?

http://rockpapermonster.typepad.com/rock-paper-monster/2012/04/six-word-monster-tiny-wings.html

real life means priorities that do not always include the things I like the most

this week, a sick child, a compressed work schedule, insufficient sleep and I am staggering around half blind, almost giddy, a little tender, and wanting very much to be here, writing, thinking, finding images that call to me… discovering how it all falls together.  instead I am rushing driving trying to get things done before deadlines happen, people fly away, time runs out.

Just wanted to admit to wanting.